Leaning into Fear (and How)
Fear. It’s something we all contend with, in big and small ways, on a daily basis. Maybe we don’t see it as such, but so many of our decisions to act (or, more likely, not act) are based on what fears we are willing to face.
Will I be good enough?
Will I be rejected?
What if I mess up?
Let me be really freaking honest here, because through honesty, hopefully we can build empathy for each other and ourselves.
Some of my most common fears are:
“What will they think?”
“What if my “real” self isn’t what people actually like?”
“What if someone discovers that I’m not as smart/accomplished/good as they originally thought I was?”
And how do these stop me?
I don’t write a certain blogpost…
I procrastinate on writing back to a potential client…
I don’t reach out to collaborators who I think are “out of my league”...
I sit in self judgment, letting negative inner voices tear me down…
Wow.
Even writing those things out I want to scream, “NO! I don’t do that! I’m always brave!” But, that wouldn’t be true. And by lying to myself about what fears still influence my behavior, I give them even more power.
Fear is why asking yourself the question, “What would I do if I knew I couldn't fail?” is so dang powerful. Because SO MANY OF US are terrified of failing, so we sit in inaction, or inauthentic action.
So… What do we stand to gain by confronting our fears (because wouldn't it be a heck of a lot easier to keep ignoring them…)?
Choice. We gain choice when we act in spite of our fears. Because we can finally see a *more* clear version of the options in front of us. And we can choose which path aligns with our highest good. Rather than flailing blindly and going with whatever sticks, because we’re too afraid to open our eyes.
So… how do we work with fear? How do we start cracking the door open, so we can see clearly, and start CHOOSING our behaviors, and thus our outcomes?
Fear isn’t going away. Rather than trying to erase it, we need to approach it with what I call a warrior spirit.
Warriors are:
Courageous
Humble
Wise
Warriors know that fear is like the boogeyman, the shadow is WAYYY bigger than the thing itself.
So.. how do I, and how can you, start tapping into our own warrior spirits?
There are lots of ways to do this, but I’m going to offer you three to get started:
Gut check - When you feel fear starting to cloud your judgment, encouraging you to pick up the phone, zone out with social media, and avoid whatever it is that elicited that feeling… Instead of zoning out, zone in --- get in touch with your intuition however you can. This might be a slow breathing exercise (simply counting to 4 as you inhale and exhale is a great place to start), journaling, or pausing and taking a “cloud moment” (literally looking at the clouds). Once you have a bit of centeredness do a “gut check”. Is this action (sending that email, speaking your truth, launching a product), in alignment with your highest good? If it is, take courage that right now you don’t need anymore information, and if it’s in alignment with your highest good it is right action.
Perspective - Think about the worst case scenario. Yup! I said it. Think about the absolute WORST possible outcome, and then ask yourself if that would really be the end of the world. Sometimes a tiny bit of perspective gets us down off the cliff and back into action.
Data - Don’t feel like a courageous warrior? Think about a time when you WERE a courageous warrior. When you faced a fear and overcame the inner critic to take action. I guarantee each and every one of you has been a warrior in your own way many times throughout your life. Whether weathering a particularly difficult emotional storm, showing up for a presentation, project or interview, or standing up for something you believed in. Find the irrefutable data that somewhere inside you lives a warrior, and that if you did it once, you can do it again. Be your own gd inspiration.
And finally, know that we are all a little terrified. And the most successful people are the one’s who are terrified and do it anyways.
I know that you have it in you (just like I know I have it in me), and I hope that you feel a strong connection to your warrior spirit. We owe it to ourselves to face our fears, so that we can have CHOICE, and ultimately live lives that are aligned with our own highest good.
Your coach,
Julia
