Respecting the Transition
I received some amazing advice in 2016: respect the transition.
At the time, I didn’t really know what my friend meant. What I did understand was that she was recommending that I not rush into my next job post-consulting, and that I should give myself time to “transition”. However, it wasn't until several years, and several “transitions”, later that I fully understood how important, and powerful, respecting the transition can be.
Let’s take a step back. What constitutes a transition? We are all in transition, in small ways, all the time. Whether entering or exiting a relationship, starting or stopping a job, moving cities, enrolling in school, graduating, and more.
However, there are some moments in life where the transition overpowers all the other potential life themes. They can be marked by feelings of disorientation, confusion, “floating”, or directionlessness. None of these things are necessarily what we aspire to feel, however, under the surface of this seeming confusion, lies a highly concentrated life accelerator.
Transitions have the power to jettison us into new realms of understanding, life, work and love, making them also some of the most magical and valuable moments in our lives.
The tricky thing here is that..in order to get the most out of that super-distilled life clarifying moment, you need to slow down and lean into those feelings of discomfort.
Yep, slow down.
Of all the things I could ask you to do.. I know that might be one of the hardest. Our society has set up rules that truly encourage us to do everything but. From heaping praise on “workaholics” to defining people’s worth by their job title, being in transition is not something our culture has been designed to reinforce.
This is one of the instances where you need to push back against societal norms and stand up for your own growth, and your own narrative, creating space for your transition. Respecting the transition.
I want to give you a quick list that you can refer to as you enter or prepare for a transition. These are things that you can use to set some boundaries for yourself and for others, creating space in your own life for the self awareness, insight and growth that can come from transitions done right.
Six ways to “respect” the transition:
Identify that you’re in a transition! Seriously, naming that you’re in a transition period can help with the internal narrative around why you’re feeling what you’re feeling. It can even give you psychological permission to deep dive into the transition in a way you might not if you ignored it.
Establish rituals of reflection. This can look like journaling every day (or choosing one day, like Sunday evening), taking long walks, or speaking to a friend, coach or therapist. If you need some help jump starting your career reflection process, I have a great tool for you that you can grab here.
Invest in healing. Oftentimes in transition we are moving away from something that affected us in a hugely positive and/or negative way. Having tools to integrate or release these experiences can be hugely beneficial. This could look like buying a package of massages, receiving energy healing, signing up for a dance class or hosting a women’s group to process in community.
Write down your learnings. Reflect on what worked and what didn’t about whatever it is you’re moving on from, whether it’s a job, person or stage of life.
Create a timeline. Establishing a predetermined timeline upfront can be hugely helpful from a psychological perspective to not pressure yourself to have it all figured out by tomorrow. Whether this is a week, a month, or even a year, create space for your transition in your calendar and in your life.
And, most importantly, grant yourself permission to not know. It’s okay to not know what you’re doing next. It’s okay to not know when you’re going to “feel better”. It’s okay to not know if you want to date again. It’s okay to not know what your five-year goals are. Things will become clear in time, and ironically, the more you relax your grip on “knowing” the more clear they will become.
What transitions are you going through in life right now? How are you creating space for you to reflect, heal and grow forward?
